Sunday, 19 October 2014

To breathe in, to breathe out James WF Roberts

To breathe in, to breathe out
James WF Roberts

“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
  By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
  Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
  The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
  And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
  Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
  The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,
  Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
  And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
  Yet each man does not die” Ballad of Reading Gaol—Oscar Wilde.

To breathe in, to breathe out;
to dream, to die, to be reborn.
She’s lit a cigarette, we’re naked on the bed,
I’m  horrified by the reflection in the on ceiling.
You can still smoke in brothels,
but they frown on me drowning
my soul in the half bottle of coke,
half Tennessee single in the pocket of my coat.
The shower takes up half the room.
 Bedroom no-one sleeps,
but the toilet’s down the hall.

An hour ago throwing down at Craps,
$500 up, $1200 down, how did I have either
of those  amounts.
This woman didn’t taste right.
She didn’t feel right.

No intensity in her eyes,
no loving in her smile,
doesn’t understand a word
I’m saying.  There’s conversation.

Well, there is to let the hour pass
more quickly. There’s no  sloppy, fumbling,
hungry kisses. No common ground.

Her mind is probably on how much
guys she’ll blow tonight,
how many will cry when they cum,
how many are straying from their wives;
how many, many are just so desperate
for human touch.

I wonder if she cares what
I’m saying, when she asks
me what’s wrong.
Trying to find salvation
in another warm body,
like I used to find in you.

But, now my words  and ink,
are becoming toxic.
and my heart’s become cruel.
every pleasure too fleeting
and everything tastes like salt.

And, our secrets
and our promises are
being scattered back and forth,
childish games and manipulations
abuses and addiction,
grandiose accusations,
hearts that love so generously,
the coldest arsenal we have.

Cowardly mind
cruel hearts
and an acid tongue,
obliterate anything we used to have,
never will again.
 To breathe in, to breathe out;
to dream, to die, to be reborn.

An ex-comes into my life again,
again, it’s someone’s else’s wife,
and I believe her stories,
and this big brown eyes
is she only after money,

when she tells me, I’m  her baby’s father,
I’ve seen the kid grow up, on facebook
and skype from time to time,
six long years and she tells me this now?
Then rejects me another younger model,
better phone, better life style,

more money and her latest craving,
more and more smoking rock,
when is it was just her and me,
and all our other lovers,

all she wanted, all she needed was cock.
And half the world seems to want to
ram it in and break it off. And the other
half simply are just too tired of it all
to give a fuck.  You’re banging on my door,
demanding  to prove I’ve got a woman there,
we’re not together so what do you care?
and she’s hiding under the bed,

thinking what has she got herself in for now,
who is this psycho bitch—and who’s the awkward
cowardly man.

To breathe in, to breathe out;
to dream, to die, to be reborn.

victims are attracted to abusers,
abusers are attracted to the victims,
addicts are attracted to the vulnerable
and the strong. And, I think everything’s
on the menu just for me.

And, I accept the challenge,
I cross the threshold I climb up
the tower and with a megaphone
I proclaim—all the things you’re scared
of coming out. And I announce it over and over
again, scared they won’t all hear me
from your constant salty rain.

And the battle lines a drawn
and there’s no going back now,
there’s no ground to give
or treaties to be sign.

barrage after barrage
tirade against tirade.
Me humiliating you publicly
just because you think I’m jealous…
I am a little, yes. But, my fangs have been blunted
and my lust for blood maintained—for too long now.
 Come on now
here it comes bring on the rage!
And there’ll be no silence from our guns
there’ll be no relief from all this pain…
You prank me pretend to be  my new girl,
but she’s long since walked away,
there’s no  limit to where my anger goes
You fuelling the fires of for your loyal companion
 to bombard me night and day,
all my friends are Switzerland and are peering over the cliffs,
how many times have I been shot today?

Have I sent you on the path for the one true and perfect hit?
And the ex’s brothers 
are all lining up to make me pay,
for sabotaging her new life, and letting everyone

think it was her cheating husband that was causing all the fuss.
Not my fault if they are stupid…
they call me every man’s name,
except my own, makes me think
 Jesus girl how many guys  have you boned?

And every room
I enter I keep looking for the cross beams
And every drink I have, doesn’t douse
or dull me. Can barely eat anymore
All I wanna do is pour.

To breathe in, to breathe out;
to dream, to die, to be reborn.
And, when all is said and done,
how will we ever look at each other
in the face again?

And, when all is said and done
how can any of us truly trust
or love again…

To breathe in, to breathe out;
to dream, to die, to be reborn.

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